Since I don't have teenagers to offer this advice to, here are some valuable lessons I learned from judging a high school talent show this evening:
1.) If you ever thought you might've been over-exaggerating how awkward your time in high school was... allow me reassure you. You're not remembering it wrong. The awkwardness is practically tangible.
2.) It doesn't matter how good looking you ACTUALLY are, high school standards are INCREDIBLY skewed. It's actually pretty remarkable the things that can make you unpopular. And when you're unpopular, it doesn't matter how talented you are - no one cares. It's righteously infuriating. That said, though, charisma will take you a long way. Not pretty? Not smart? Not the best at anything? Doesn't matter. Learn how to work a room and no one will ever give you a hard time again.
3.) However... the pretty (but charisma-free) popular girls are still going to end up behind a microphone. No one wins in this scenario. Especially not the audience. Folks who value popularity will pretend to get it, but inwardly, everyone is cringing.
4.) I remember being told that I had no idea what love was when I was in high school. Which, of course, turned out to be true. But, here's the thing: whatever those kids think is love right now is the only point of reference they have. You'll never get them to believe they don't know what love is, so why bother telling them that?
5.) If it doesn't have boys in drag, it's not a high school talent show.
6.) While a teacher can be your greatest ally in high school, you should probably know they're also rooting for the snotty kids to fail.
7.) While it's great you're a songwriter, no one actually wants to hear the ballad you wrote. To point, "I don't want any of this lover's lament crap. I want something peppy, something happy, something up-tempo. I want something snappy." That's how you win talent shows. Charisma, baby. Charisma!
(I feel I should amend this to note that high school was not a bad time for me. I traveled pretty safely in the middle of the pack - liked by kids on all ends of the spectrum, for the most part. But it's FASCINATING to have an outside view of this world. Like a goldfish bowl that you used to live in.)
